To be authentic requires self-awareness and self acceptance when we are adults. As babies and very young children we are naturally authentic, it is the only way we can be, it is our natural state. Through our conditioning and social expectations we compromise ourselves and dilute this authenticity to please others and to fit in. However, the real You is still inside and can be brought back out into the world unconditionally at any time if you so choose.

What does it mean to be authentic? It means not lying, not blaming, being personally responsible for You. Relating to yourself in a positive and healthy way. Believing in yourself; opening your heart to those around you. It means being present, strong, open, honest, genuine, sincere, able to challenge appropriately, encouraging others to be themselves and be the best they can be. You are not faking it or wearing a mask, not trying to impress, to be right, to prove yourself to anyone or trying to be something else; you are just being who you are – and if you do not really know who that is then make it your sole priority to sort that out as all else is limited by your inability to be authentic.

You want to show up fully in this life on a daily basis and you can do that only to the extent that you accept and know yourself. Being real demands that you be present which demands that you trust yourself to be able to handle whatever life has to offer you. The alternative to being authentic is to be ruled by your ego which is always self destructive. So, in the words of William Shakespeare “to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.”

We all know how good it is for the body and our health to smile, I mean really smile and some people say if you don’t feel like smiling then force yourself to so that sooner or later it will turn into a real smile.
Michigan State University have done research on the impact smiling has on our physiology. They have found that a fake or insincere smile can actually worsen our already low mood. So if you cannot smile for real then don’t bother smiling at all. They examined the effects of fake smiling or what they called ‘surface acting’, and compared it with ‘deep acting’, or genuine smiling by recalling pleasant memories or positive self talk. In their research they found that those who engaged in surface acting or “Smiling for the sake of smiling” experienced greater emotional exhaustion and withdrawal, while those who smiled as a result of cultivating positive thoughts improved their mood and withdrew less.
A simple conclusion here is to endeavour to deep act, to be sincere, smile because you mean it…..you can create that smile from within by how you focus your thinking and consequently your feelings.
There is a caveat here; while deep acting seemed to improve mood in the short-term, the researchers did note that there is a risk of feeling inauthentic if you, over a long period of time, are trying to cultivate positive feelings at the expense of feeling what is already there within you. Denial of your true state is never a clever long term strategy! Click on the links to get more detail on the research.
Sources: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/02/22/health/22really.html?_r=3&src=me&ref=health
http://news.msu.edu/story/8960/

As the youtube video below so clearly shows, the human spirit can overcome the limited mind every time. All of us, regardless of our physical or other disabilities, are capable of so much. Ultimately, what holds us back more than anything else in life is ourselves, and in particular our thinking. When we see a wall we give up, lose heart and let it defeat us. Walls were built to challenge us, not imprison us. Every wall is an invitation to rise to the challenge, to overcome, to be greater than you are before you conquer the wall. Without walls and barriers in life we would be weak, lazy, soft and unaware of our greatness. The runner knows this, when she hits the wall after a prolonged period of running the strong inclination and temptation is to stop. For the inexperienced runner hitting the wall can feel like the body giving in to exhaustion and so the logical act might be to slow down or take a break. This is the last thing you should do when hitting the wall. The wall to the runner is a clear signal that they are about to transcend their current pace, their current energy levels and breakthrough to a whole new level of experience and performance. The wall is the line of resistance, a boundary that the weak part in us wants to stay within, to hide behind and give in. The truth is that we need that wall to know we are making progress, to feel more powerful and challenge ourselves to keep going into a whole new level of brilliance. This is as true in the sport of running as it is in the game of life. We all hit walls regularly and the thing to remember is that they are a welcome sign that an opportunity has arrived, so tune into it, see it for what it is and rise to the occasion. People like Ben Comen are a stark reminder of this, his wall is much bigger and much thicker than any of mine and yet he faces his with a determination and strength that is clearly heart driven – he shows us what is possible.

Our fears and fantasies are all in the head. Wishing or dreaming for a better future, having dreams and hopes are no guarantee of them being realised. Dreaming and thinking about what you would love to be doing is no guarantee that it will happen, if you stay in the head then little changes. To manifest your dreams or anything like them you need to be brave, bold, and step into the unknown i.e. you need to open up, be present and engage with life from the heart, only then are you in the now where all your creativity and power is and where the right action can be taken, the action that is fuelled and informed by the heart which is the very essence of your true nature, your very being.
When you do this you are on the path of the heart and you are in the process of realising your hearts desire, your dreams or something even better that the head could not or would not conceive of.
Dreaming about the future is no more productive than regretting the past or fearing the future, as it is all still head based. To create, change, or transform our situations we need to do things differently, we need to operate and act from a different level i.e. the heart. From here all is revealed, bit by bit as and when it is appropriate and not when the head dictates or demands. In the heart space, which is unflinching, strong, compassionate and powerful, the truth of any situation is unavoidable and things get resolved one way or another.
When we choose to be present, to be in our bodies and heart, we have access to our power and our creativity, we let our hearts lead us into the next move every time and in this way we are living in complete trust and openness, which is the most liberating, inspiring, empowering and challenging experience there is. In this way we achieve our deepest desires and or true passions in life.

We all have a gut, some bigger than others and so what! The size of the gut is irrelevant here, it is what the gut is telling us that really matters. Ok, so if your gut is huge in proportion to the rest of your body then your gut is clearly telling you to stop eating and/or drinking so dam much. Simple really. That is the physical message, but I am more interested in the more subtle inner sensations and feelings we get in our gut on a constant basis. Whether we are aware of them or not is important as the gut is always talking to us. Ignoring the gut is simply dumb.

How often have you done or said something that in hindsight you knew was a mistake. Not only was it a mistake but you knew this before you even did or said it. The fact that it happened was an example of how you ignored your gut sense. We hall have access to this source of information and we can strengthen our connection to it by choosing to actively engage with it, listen to it, talk to it; this is how we build trust with the body and consequently with our gut or intuition.

Whether you believe in your gut feelings or trust them or not is always a choice you have. Those who fail to prioritise their intuition or gut feeling on things have no other option than to use their head for all decisions and choices in life. This is not good. The head is useful and we need it, but it is a calculator, a processor, a store of knowledge and data, it has not got access to the world of information constantly bombarding us, nor can it make sense of it. The brain in the gut (that’s what many scientists like Lipton, Dispenza, Pert call it) is far more powerful and clued into the world around us than the one in the head.

There is a saying I like which is “he who is good with a hammer, thinks everything is a nail”. Now I was never any good with a hammer, much less listening to my gut, but I think this sums up what I am saying nicely. The intellectuals or cerebral junkies among us (I know this t-shirt!) are more inclined to idolise or at least prioritise the head and its amazing box of tricks over the less tangible and more ethereal gut feeling or intuition. The very name gut feeling is justification for some to dismiss the whole package as feminine fantasy or psychic bol@*x.

Today I can honestly say that when I ignore or miss my gut feeling I pay a price and it is never one I enjoy paying. Here are two examples. The first one is a simple everyday one where I was rushing to leave the house for work one morning and as I walked out the door I had a feeling I was forgetting something. I glanced around the kitchen again to make sure I had what I needed, got in the car and drove off. A few miles down the road it hit me like a wet fish in the face, I had left behind my wallet – it was sitting on the kitchen counter which I had walked passed several times that morning.

The second example is a bit bigger in terms of the consequences. About 5 years ago I attended a weekend sales/internet training event in Dublin. There were several speakers from around the world at it all providing good content and pitching their products hard throughout their presentation. A couple of times I found myself getting excited by a presentation and the speaker’s product thinking this could be the answer to my problems (of which I had a multitude at that point). One guy in particular stood out as having something that I thought could be perfect for me. In spite of feeling some unease about him (his suit was too big for him to start with, and he kept forgetting his next line at points in the talk…..man what was I on to still go for it?!) I bought without taking a breath and within the next week he had been declared bankrupt and I lost almost €6.000. There is another saying coming to mind which is “a fool and his money are easily parted”. Well I am certainly being the fool when I am ignoring my gut feeling about something.

So be warned, watch out for men in ill-fitting suits and never, ever, ever ignore your gut.

Haven’t got a clue! In fact no-one really does. No-one can claim to know with certainty who you are or I am. People can, and do, give their opinions, which are based on personal beliefs, which ultimately are not rooted in any one truth. It might be easier to answer the question what is not me? The thoughts and feelings I experience are not who I am; my fears, insecurities, ambitions, goals and desires are not who I am; the successes and failures I have experienced are not who I am; the roles I play in life such as partner, friend, father, coach, teacher etc are not who I am; the name Eoin McCabe is not who I am…..so who the hell am I?? It is easier to define the self in terms of what we are not than what we are….in fact when you break it all down you may discover that there is in fact nothing there – the self, me, consists of nothing!

Anyway, maybe lets just agree for now that no one knows for sure the true nature of who we are. And yet each day we still get out of bed and go about our daily routines, we eat, we talk, we walk and we work, we moan, we laugh, we cry and we dream, we read, we listen, we argue and we sleep. Our days are busy and full of noise, for one who does not know what or who they are we manage pretty ok most of the time. This is because we can agree on the more tangible and simpler ideas such as that expressed by British paediatrician, D.W. Winnicott “It is in playing, and only in playing, that the individual child or adult is able to be creative and to use the whole personality, and it is only in being creative that the individual discovers the self”.

Playing is something that comes effortlessly to us as children and as we grow up we lose this ease for play. All day everyday is play time for young children, even 6am is for crying out loud!! How do we manage to lose our sense of play, our connection with fun and joy as we get older? Where does it say that as we age we must become more serious, more practical, more ‘sensible’ and ‘mature’?

Were you ever told to ‘act your age’?

How does a 43 year old man act that age and how is it different to a 45 year old man or a 22 year old woman or a 97 year old woman. Are there certain criteria we must comply with that dictate how one must behave at each age of life? If not then how are we supposed to know if we are acting our age or not? Who sets the standards and who is monitoring our performance? I am getting a little stressed now so let me take a moment to meditate and find my inner peace…………………

To tell someone to act their age is one of the most stupid lines you can deliver to a person, it is right up there with ‘I think, therefore I am’….what he really should have said was ‘I think, therefore I am stressed’.

We do not need to think about play, we do not need to analyse or debate about how to have fun. Simply choosing to have playtime in our days brings us more joy, more love, more spontaneous creativity which in turn feeds the desire for more play and in time life becomes a playground filled with children pretending to be grown ups – we are all children at heart trying to appear serious, responsible and all grown up – so lighten up, smile, laugh, see the funny side…..being serious makes everything way too hard.

When my son was born some years ago my self awareness went on a steep learning curve. This new life arrived and reflected back to me so much that was wonderful and at times not so great about myself! One simple example of the ‘not so great’ stuff involved a red pram.

Soon after my son’s birth we bought a pram – a large red one that could also be adjusted into a seat or buggy. It was not cheap! Anyway, he loved it and my partner took him everywhere in it. When it inevitably came to me taking him out in the pram I suddenly noticed some resistance inside me. I did not want to do it. This resistance surprised me – here was a supposedly self-aware, mature, intelligent adult male refusing in his head to be seen in public pushing a pram.

The voice in my head was telling me that I would look stupid and weak. Not doing it was not an option however. I would have to take him out in the pram sooner or later. So out I went pushing the pram with one hand in my pocket and the other on the side of the pram handle trying to appear relaxed and indifferent, while inside I was listening to that voice in my head laughing at me as if I was walking through the town naked singing Mr Blue Sky (by ELO).

Eventually I challenged the internal madness, got over my self consciousness and embraced the pram. I was able to do this once I could see what was causing the resistance in me and realise that it was complete crap. The fact that I felt this way at all was a shock, I truly believed I was more evolved that that – amazing how arrogance can be so blinding.

This was a stark reminder of just how insidious that negative voice in the head can be, if I was to let it completely control me, give my power over to it entirely I would now be living under a duvet in my bedroom, smoking 40 cigs a day, guzzling a couple of bottles of wine daily and be easily 30+ stone overweight. That voice in my head is terrified of everything, it wants a safe and easy existence and its sole purpose is to get me to follow it unquestionably into a cocoon of fear and familiar misery.

This is why it takes effort at times to simply get out of bed some days and other times, when I am doing what I love, the voice is gone or silent. Either way, I need to remember that I always have the choice to either listen to it and believe it or ignore it and get on with what I enjoy doing. Knowing that everything it says is as far from the truth as anyone can get is good to remember, and if I could manifest the negative voice into an individual who was standing in front of me today I would tell him to shut up and exit my life for ever. I cannot do that unfortunately, but I can see it for what it is and treat it accordingly. Ignore it and focus on the positive, on my heart’s desire, on the pleasures and beauty in life, on my son and that big red pram that he can still sit in for walks, I choose what I focus on and today I focus on writing about this to expose it more, rather than keep it to myself in my head.

I am not and never will be that voice in my head, it never speaks truth and it knows nothing about life. See it for what it is, live your life and prove it wrong. My (and yours) heart longs to be listened to all day every day.

Some of you may be aware that I have been dabbling in stand up comedy recently. How this happened is a bit of a mystery, its almost as if one night I found myself standing in front of a bunch of strangers, in a small room up over a bar, trying to make them laugh. Some people’s definition of hell, no doubt – and probably mine, not too long ago.

As I write this I am thinking about the comedy slot I am doing tonight in the Bankers pub in Dublin for the first time. I have no idea what to expect and am tending towards mild panic every-time I focus on just how bad tonight could go. Of course, how I focus on or think about tonight (or any other thing in life) is up to me, my attitude towards it is my choice. A part of me would like to say “feck it, I will stay at home and relax, watch TV and have a beer, I deserve it..”, but a deeper aspect of me knows this is something I want to do, it is part of a bigger plan, a bigger picture which I have going forward, it is short term pain for long term gain.

And if tonight does go badly then I still have a choice as to how to respond to that. I could quit and say this is not for me or I could look at what I could do differently for next time, learn from it and move on. If it goes well I still have the choice of continuing and developing new material or deciding I have proven I can do it and now on to new things (in other words run while I can!).

Tonight will happen regardless and how I respond to the evening as it unfolds will determine my experience of it. How I respond (not react) in each moment is where my choice operates, this is where I make my move in response to what is happening.

So in life it is always our next move – how we respond to what is happening, the quality of the move we make, determines our experience of life.

Another example is John who worked in finance and hated his boss. They would argue daily and John invariably came out the worst for it. He wanted to quit but was afraid to as the job market offered nothing for his qualifications and he had significant financial commitments. Work was for him a living stressful hell.

Part of John’s challenge was to change how he was responding to his boss in some way so that a new outcome or result would develop. He needed to see that his boss was not the real problem. After-all, the boss was another person who was just doing what he does, John had no control over the boss. What John realised he could do was choose to respond in a different way, he choose a new move. Instead of always reacting to the smart comments and sarcastic remarks his boss flung at him John picked a new response – he made a different move in his communication with the boss – he did not fight or argue back, he actually asked questions and really listened to what the boss was saying to him and very quickly the boss noticed this change in response from John, which forced him to respond in a different way, to make a new move. Gradually both of them were listening to each other and actually communicating effectively.

This did not happen over night, but it did change quickly and all because John could see that each move he made in response to what his boss did determined the next move from the boss – how we respond or the moves we consciously make in life are setting us up for success or pain. When we can see this clearly happening in our daily encounters with others we can change relationships dramatically with just a few simple new moves, just like a great game of chess.

Whatever your issue is at the moment, look at the usual moves you have made in relation to it, see if you could choose new moves and transform or even resolve the issue in the process. After-all, when we change how we relate to any issue we change the issue.

So regarding the anxiety I feel about tonight, I can choose a different move and see tonight as intense fun and a challenge to learn more about the skill of performing….wish me luck!

While I have never been an enthusiastic advocate of new-year resolutions, this has not stopped me from trying to make them work in the past. All my attempts faded away within a couple of months, and in some cases even days. I could blame lack of will power. However, this defence seems less reliable given the recent research in neuroscience which is prompting many neuroscientists to question the very existence of free will! http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/sciencetoday/2011/1229/1224309589554.html.

I have talked about this before so I will not dwell on it here. I could blame the fact that the brain is by its very nature a pattern forming and pattern following system, it is lazy and tends towards the familiar and has a preference for the status quo – just like an old girlfriend of mine.

Probably the poor success rate of my new-year goals is due to a mix of factors including the above. So what is the solution? Set no goals ever or set them in the summer, maybe call them something else such as ‘endeavours’ or ‘challenges’ or ‘commitments’ – actually that last one is worse than ‘goals’ and is guaranteed to never reach completion in many lifetimes.

So if I have little or no will power and am averse to commitment, what hope have I got? Should I just not even bother, just go with the flow, relax, let go, surrender, be at one with what is……that all takes a kind of commitment too. I think too much and maybe I could decide or choose to think less, to analyse a little less often. This would free up some space in my head and give me time to practice being more present with myself, to be in my heart more, to have fun and enjoy my day…to actually laugh more. That’s it! I resolve to laugh more and to hell with everything else.

Maybe this is why I have found myself doing some stand up comedy recently. Six months ago I never believed I would be standing in front of a group of complete strangers trying to make them laugh in a small room up over a pub in Dublin. It all happened very quickly and continues in spite of me, with two more comedy spots later this month in two Dublin venues.

I have to say I am enjoying the experience so far but have no plans to change career and start life as a comedian….why make life tougher than it already is and I know for a fact if I choose this as a career I would be single again overnight.

So for 2012 I intend, hope, aspire, dream, maybe even plan to experience more new ‘stuff’, laugh a hell of a lot more, do one new ‘thing’ that I have never done or even thought about doing before. If other stuff happens like improved fitness, read more books, write more often etc then that will be a fantastic bonus to the year.

Don’t get me wrong, it is important to have goals in your life, to aim and think big. This is what motivates and inspires us, keeps the momentum towards meaningful work and change possible and gives us a sense of purpose and control in life. All I am suggesting right now is to not get hung up on needing to have resolutions or big plans for a great new year, after all its just another Tuesday (it is today as I write), so you set your goals when you want, if you want.

And also remember that success in any goal or plan is dependent on others working and/or supporting you in pursuit of your outcome. We all need the input and support of others.  Dr David McClelland, from Harvard University spent 25 years of his life researching ‘success and achievement’. In his view the effectiveness of our achievements is dependent on the influence of others. Life is built on and around relationships, so make building and strengthening your relationships at work and home the basis for everything you do this year – if you do this you simply cannot fail. Maybe that is the only goal or resolution or intention any of us need for the year ahead. Happy new one!

The key to success in any area or aspect of life, personally and professionally, is simplicity. The more complicated or intricate something is the greater the potential for mistakes, misunderstandings and breakdowns. A nice example of this is given by Dr Mike Evans http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUaInS6HIGo&feature=share on achieving optimum health. He clearly shows how one simple activity can over time transform the quality of our lives, physically, mentally and emotionally if practiced daily.

The idea of simple solutions can also be applied to most if not all the problems and challenges we experience in our daily lives. Such experiences can be significant sources of stress and take up much of our energy and focus trying to redress or control them. What if there was one common solution to such instances, one approach that had a positive impact regardless of the actual situation? (similar to the relationship between your overall health and that one activity detailed in the video clip above). Well there is such an approach for any challenge or difficulty you face in work, relationships, home-life etc.

This approach involves a slight shift in our awareness for it to really work. Consider the following: everything that is in your awareness right now is a fact. In other words it is existing, it is present, it is or has just happened. When we say No to what already is, then we create resistance and stress for ourselves. The sensible thing is to accept it and from that position or attitude do what we can to change it or let it go and move on. However, an even simpler approach is to forget about having to accept everything, just notice what already is in your awareness and see that it already has been accepted by life.

The fact that we see something as a problem or a nuisance is really just an ego judgement and bears nothing to the reality of life. if something is happening or is present then it is already accepted and your opinion on it is really irrelevant, so don’t bother worrying about accepting or developing the practice of acceptance, simply relax more into noticing what already is here, like it or not life accepted it into being.

Those of you celebrating Christmas with family have a wonderful opportunity to see this at work in yourself. Over the next few days, notice who shows up in your life, notice how people behave, notice little conflicts or arguments that arise between family members, and while you are noticing all this simply realise that all this is part of life and perfectly ok, whether you like it or not has no impact on its right to exist.

Such a stance helps you to really relax and enjoy more of the everyday content of life.

So if the turkey gets burnt, or you receive another pointless gift from your “favourite” aunt, or whatever pushes your buttons this time of year…just remember it is happening anyway, it is all part of the bigger picture created by life which you are a part of. Simply notice all that life brings to you regardless of your opinion of it…..and if at times you find that hard to ‘do’, then just have some more wine…… ………………….

Happy Christmas or Holidays or whatever you are doing!